Sunday, June 19, 2005

i'm putting the infamous nicholls-bashing-kerrang interview here because it's so funny (to the point of me possibly letting out a bit of wee). even if you're not fond of the vines much, care to read the parts where i've kindly bolded for your reading convenience.. but better still, read the whole thing thanks<3

***
Kerrang! What do you think people's perception of you is?

Craig Nicholls: Some people think I'm dull. Some people might think I'm…happy. Some people might think I'm sad. I think I'm in the middle. I really don't know what it is. I haven't really thought about what any individual person thinks of me.

K! Through the prism of the media you seem to attract a lot of criticism for being extremely difficult.

CN: I don't know what to say because I don't know what difficult is. I don't know what the standard code of behavior is, or how I'm supposed to be. I don't want to say because I don't know.

K! Well, are you happy? Because when I was watching you onstage last night you didn't appear to be having a particularly good time.

CN: Well, it's that perception thing again.

K! It maybe perception but I was close to you as you are to that door. I could see, and it didn't seem fun. Am I wrong there?

CN: You might be wrong. You might be right. You have your own opinion…

K! Yeah, but what's your opinion?

CN: You can still write down whatever you want.

K! Yeah, but what do you think? What do you think of what I've just said?

CN: I don't think anything you say is important at all. I think what you do is insignificant. You write about young kids' rock bands or whatever.

K! Not always.

CN: Well, you're going to see Motorhead.

K! Do you like Motorhead?

CN: No comment.

K! I want to ask you something. When you were photographed for our magazine on Monday - and I'm asking you this - why did you walk up to two people from the title and say, I think you're magazine is shit?

CN: Because I think it's shit and I was trying to be honest.

K! But why say that to them? By not saying it you're not being dishonest you're just keeping your own counsel.

CN: Well I have to tell you that I think what you do is shit as well. I have to be honest. What else can I be? Am I supposed to be a good little boy in a nice little rock band for you? So you can interview me, and you can interview me and I can say, Thank you so much for putting me in Kerrap! Because that's what I think of it. And you can print that, in quotes. Kerrap, Kerrap, Kerrap.

K! But what does it matter what you think of the magazine?

CN: [With a raised voice] Well, you're interviewing me, aren't you? You've just said you want to hear what I think…

K! Yeah, because you'd said that previously. If you hadn't have said it I wouldn't ask why you thought that about the magazine.

CN: There's no structure to it...

K! Structure to what?

CN: [Pause] Table cloths.

K! Don't you think it was a rude thing to say to someone?

CN: Don't you think you're being rude to me right now?

K! No, I don't think I am being I am being rude to you right now.

CN: I think it's called a double standard.

K! How is this is a double standard?

CN: I think being hypocritical is kind of a double standard.

K! I don't see how I'm being hypocritical.

CN: That's because you're a journalist.

K! And journalists are hypocritical by nature?

CN: Or maybe it's because you're old, I don't know.

K! This is the question I wanted to ask. If the magazine is shit, why appear in it?

CN: Because it amuses me to piss you off.

K! But I'm not pissed off.

CN: I think you are.

K! Well I could counter that by saying I think you're album's shit. Which is true, I do think its shit.

CN: [Raised voice] Well doesn't it hurt that you didn't say that first when I told you first that I think you're shit and you're magazine is shit. And you thought I was going to say, "Oh yeah, oh yeah..."

K! I didn't know what you were going to say.

CN: I don't really care what you think.

K! I know you don't really care what I think. And I don't really care what you think.

CN: [Sarcastic voice] Oh, he doesn't like my singing...

K! Actually, I don't mind the singing; it's the songs that don't go anywhere.

CN: Oh wow, the songs don't go anywhere. I am gonna be, wow, really upset by this.

K! Now you seem upset. You look like you're pretending not to be you seem upset.

CN: Yeah, yeah. You saying the album's crap after me saying Kerrap, Kerrap was shit. It's fucking petty. [Unintelligible mutter]
Here's what I think of it. Who fucking cares what you think of it.

K! Do you think I wouldn't said your album was shit if you hadn't have said the magazine was shit?

CN: I don't care either way, man. It’s all perceptions and shit.

K! It just seems that you sitting here talking to me is a complete waste of your time. It's not a waste of my time because this is gonna be a fucking great feature.

CN: Because you're not gonna put in that I said first that your magazine was shit.

K! Trust me, I will.

CN: If you were a real man you would have told me the second I sat down that you thought our album was shit.

K! And you may have walked straight out and I have no story. Let me tell you something Craig, you have blown me out four times for this interview. I have had my week fucked around by you. Now this is neither here nor there, but common courtesy is one thing. I have permission to write this interview even if you didn't show up for quotes. So it doesn't matter. But I just didn't want to be as rude as you were by making it the first thing I said.

CN: I didn't get in a band for fucking common courtesy, you dick. You're a fucking joke. The bands you put in your magazine with the tattoos… you’re all a big joke. That's all you are.

K! Can we rescue this interview or is this how it's gonna be?

CN: You do whatever the fuck you want.

K! Do you wanna talk about something else?

CN: I don't fucking care. I think it's amusing.

K! But this isn't even very amusing. It's just a bit sad.

CN: I don't care what you think. Look at you.

K! What do you mean, look at me?

CN: You look like you work in a bank.

K! That's because I'm going to the Royal Opera House and I have to wear a suit. I don't normally dress like this, normally I dress like you. Would that have made you happy if I was dressed like you? Would you not have been so suspicious of me had I been dressed like you?

CN: You really are lame, man.

K! You're not answering my questions at all.

CN: Because your questions are pathetic. Your whole existence and what you are is lame.

K! Me personally?

CN: Yeah.

K! Oh good, that's good. Because you know what? I had managed to convince myself that I was doing okay until I met you. I'm quite heartbroken.

CN: You can take it however you want. You can write whatever you want.

K! I would have thought you would have walked out by now.

CN: If you want me to…

K! I don't want you to do anything. I don't want to engineer anything. Do you like any magazines?

CN: [Sarcastic] Erm, I don’t know. It's hard to think of answer to such deep and meaningful questions.

K! Hmmm. I was just curious. The questions aren't supposed to be deep and meaningful but then the answers aren't deep and meaningful either, so I'm thinking on my feet here.

CN: Well, you should have written some questions down.

K! Do you not think I have the questions in my head? Craig...

CN: You can write whatever the hell you want. I hope this turns out great and I hope the Motorhead gig is really good...

K! Well thank you. It'll be better than this and it'll be better than you last night.

CN: [Pretending to be hurt] Oh, oh.

K! Was that a good gig for you last night?

CN: Yeah, it was our best.

K! Jesus, you are a really shit band.

CN: What's your next question?

K! I don't know. Are we done? We can talk straight and nice if you like or we can carry on like this. Believe me when I say this Craig, I care as little about this as you do. That needs to be understood. I don't care that this is going badly. It is of no importance to me at all.

CN: Well, thanks for coming down, man… [walking out of the room] Well, I hope everything works out for you and I hope everything is great for you.

K! Bye, Craig.

CN: [Mumbles out of range of tape recorder]

K! Nice to meet you, Craig.

***

tell me if you don't find it funny.

Noi Albinoi, Rush Hour 2 & in ten minutes' time, Dracula 2000. i love movies, jah.

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9:51 pm